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Ran my book club for 2 years before I figured out I was killing every discussion | Book Club Debates - Vivisector

Ran my book club for 2 years before I figured out I was killing every discussion

I run a small club that meets at a coffee shop in Boise, usually 7 or 8 people, and for two years I opened every meeting by giving my own take on the book first. Last month a member named Dana finally said, "You give us the answer before we get to think." I looked back at my notes and realized I was talking for the first 15 minutes of every single meeting. Now I just ask one question and stay quiet, and we have to cut people off at 9pm to close the place. How do you all handle the person who always jumps in first?

2 comments

2 Comments

josephbailey23h ago

How does Dana feel about the change, since she was the one who called you out? The person who jumps in first is often just filling the silence while everyone else is still thinking, so the fix might be giving the group a minute of quiet before anyone talks. Curious if you have tried letting people jot a quick note before the first person speaks.

olivia_lopez9823h ago

Whoa, Joseph, this is a total 180 for me! I used to roll my eyes at the quiet minute idea because I thought it would kill the energy and make things awkward, but now I'm eating my words. Watching my own group explode with talk once I shut up showed me that silence is not the enemy, it's just room for other people to breathe and form a thought. Dana actually told me she feels weird now because she was so used to reacting to me that she had forgotten how to start from scratch, and that made me realize how much I had trained everyone to wait for my lead. So yeah, I'm now all in on the jot-a-note idea, even just 60 seconds of quiet before anyone talks, because the fast talker might just be nervous, not loud. My plan is to try it at the next meet and see if the jumpy person still jumps or if a few slower folks finally get their turn.