That guy at the laundromat who swore he was real but talked like a help article

Had a chat with this dude named Marcus at the 24-hour laundromat on 5th street last Tuesday. He kept saying things like 'optimal folding techniques reduce creasing by 60%' without cracking a smile, every single time like a recorded message. Do you ever meet someone who's just too perfect and polite for real life, or am I just paranoid from scrolling too many bot threads?

3 comments

3 Comments

the_robin1d ago

Optimal folding techniques reduce creasing by 60%" - I'd have laughed in his face and asked if he also has a 12-step program for sock matching. Honestly though, the real red flag is the 60% stat itself (who even measures that stuff?), and the fact he was at a 24-hour laundromat at all on a Tuesday night without having some sort of weirdo vibe going on. I've met a few of these perfectly-spoken strangers too and it's always unsettling, like they're running a script in their head while you're standing there with your dryer sheets. Pretty sure Marcus is either a beta-tested android or a really dedicated university researcher studying human laundry behavior. Either way, you dodged a bullet - those types never chip in for the dryer when you're short a quarter.

alicer531d ago

Think about why a random guy would know that exact number. Someone who obsesses over folding optimization probably has a system that completely fails the second you throw in a single fitted sheet. My bet is he's never actually done a full load of laundry in his life, just practiced on his own five identical white t-shirts.

thomasgonzalez1d ago

God, right? That whole encounter just gives me the creeps thinking about it (and I wasn't even there). I can just picture this guy with his little laser pointer and graph paper, timing his t-shirt folds like he's training for the laundry Olympics. You know the type, probably has a spreadsheet for everything including how many times he blinks per minute. The fact that he just walked up and started rattling off percentages like a robot is the biggest red flag of all. I've met a few of those hyper-efficient types too and they always seem to be missing something (like basic social skills). Real life, man - it's messy and full of fitted sheets and mismatched socks, and that seems to short-circuit their whole system.