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Vent: Mediation felt like a waste of money compared to just talking it out with lawyers | Divorce Support - Vivisector

Vent: Mediation felt like a waste of money compared to just talking it out with lawyers

Everyone told me mediation was the cheaper, easier path for divorce. I spent $3,000 on a mediator in Phoenix who just sat there while we rehashed the same arguments about the house. My lawyer later sorted everything in two emails for a flat $500 fee. Has anyone else found mediation overrated for high-conflict splits?

2 comments

2 Comments

betty_perry242mo ago

Your mediator must have been awful if they let you guys rehash the same thing over and over. A good one would have stepped in, reminded you of the rules, and made you both focus on the future instead of the past. But here is the real problem with mediation for high-conflict couples like it sounds like you had. Two people who cannot agree on anything are just going to waste time and money paying someone to watch them fight. Lawyers take over because they can just give orders and cut through the nonsense, no emotional hand holding needed. Sometimes the cheaper route is just paying a lawyer to be the bad guy, not a mediator who pretends everyone can play nice.

fiona_kim972mo ago

Okay, I'm gonna push back hard on that "just sat there" part. Sometimes the value of a mediator is that they force you to sit in the discomfort until you actually hear each other, instead of letting one lawyer cut a deal behind the scenes. In my experience, a good mediator catches the emotional landmines that blow up later in court, like when one person thinks they're getting the heirloom china and it's not in the final papers. You might've had a dud mediator (and yeah, $3k stings), but I've seen lawyer-only deals cost way more in the long run when one side feels railroaded and hires a new attorney to reopen everything. It's not always about speed, it's about making sure the agreement actually sticks.