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My brother said I was hoarding mom's old stuff and he was right | Elder Care Planning - Vivisector

My brother said I was hoarding mom's old stuff and he was right

I had a talk with my brother Dave last Tuesday after he found mom's old china set in my garage. He said I was turning her house into a museum instead of planning her next steps. It hit me hard because he was right, I spent 3 years keeping every lamp and dish but never once looked into assisted living costs. Mom is 78 and her savings are down to $12,000 just from fixing the roof alone. I finally called a senior care advisor yesterday and she pointed out stuff I never thought about. Anyone else get stuck holding onto things instead of figuring out the real bills?

3 comments

3 Comments

wells.christopher4mo ago

Those 12,000 bucks for a roof would have been two years of care for her if you'd caught it sooner. I watched my neighbor do the same thing with his dad's old tools, spent three years organizing wrenches in the garage while his dad's house went into foreclosure. It's like we try to keep a piece of them alive through stuff instead of keeping them alive through smart choices. The stuff will be there later, the time and money to help her won't.

singh.harper4mo ago

Start by asking yourself, @wells.christopher, if that's really a fair comparison. Not every roof repair is the same as ignoring a parent's health, and sometimes a house falling apart can lead to bigger problems down the road. People can make mistakes without it being some deep psychological thing about holding onto stuff.

robert_ross954mo ago

Read something the other day about how our brains treat objects connected to people as almost like a physical extension of them. @singh.harper, you're right that mistakes aren't always some deeper flaw, sometimes it's just hard to see clearly when you're in the middle of it. Feels like we judge other people's choices way harsher than we judge our own.