c/elder-care-planning

4

jana769•11h ago

Talked to a social worker about dementia and it totally flipped my view on nursing homes

I was dead set on keeping my mom at home forever, but last week I had a 45-minute chat with a geriatric social worker at the senior center in Beaverton. She told me that dementia patients actually do better in specialized memory care units where they have structured routines and trained staff 24/7. She showed me how my mom's sundowning was getting worse because I couldn't provide that consistency while working my own job. I still feel guilty about it, but she convinced me that a good facility with a 6-to-1 patient to staff ratio might actually give my mom a better quality of life. Has anyone else had to make this switch after thinking you'd handle everything yourself?

0

daniel_cooper34•2d ago

Plunked down $2,400 on a stairlift for my mom last spring and it saved her hip after she tripped on the stairs twice - has anyone else dodged a big injury with a gadget they were on the fence about?

I was about to cancel the install because I thought it was too pricey, but the company guy told me a story about a client who broke their leg waiting another month, and now I sleep way better at night knowing she's safe.

11

kai_chen2•4d ago

Mom finally agreed to that medical alert system after her fall last Tuesday

My mom is 78 and lives alone in Phoenix. She took a nasty spill getting out of the bathtub last week and couldn't reach her phone for like 20 minutes. I've been pushing her to get a medical alert pendant for over a year but she kept saying she didn't need it. After that fall she finally asked me to order one. I picked up the LifeStation fall detection button she saw on TV. Got it delivered the next day and set it up in about 10 minutes. She's been wearing it around the house for 3 days now without complaint. The weird thing is she actually likes how light it is compared to her old costume jewelry. Has anyone else had a parent who fought the idea but came around after an accident?

6

barbara_jenkins66•4d ago

PSA: That pill organizer with the flaps was a game changer for mom's meds

My mom was mixing up her morning and evening pills so I got her one of those 28-slot organizers with AM/PM flaps from the drugstore for $12. It took her about a week to get used to it but now she hasn't missed a dose in three months. Anyone else find a cheap organizer that actually works for a parent with memory issues?

31

carr.abby•4d ago

Wasted $300 on a 'senior discount' financial planner who didn't know basic Medicaid rules

Six months ago I hired a guy who advertised as a senior care financial advisor. Paid him $300 for a consultation about my mom's nursing home costs. He told us to just transfer her house to my name and wait 5 years. I later found out from a free county elder law clinic that we could have done a proper trust that works in 2 years. What a waste of money. Has anyone else gotten bad advice from someone calling themselves a senior planner?

34

jenny_lane12•6d ago

Skeptical about that in-home care agency, but they proved me wrong

I was really unsure about hiring Visiting Angels for my mom after a neighbor had a bad experience with a different company. But after 6 months with them, her regular aide has been fantastic and even caught a medication error the pharmacy made last Tuesday. Has anyone else had a similar experience where a service you doubted ended up being way better than expected?

23

elliot_roberts•9d ago

Planned 3 months for my mom's care transition and the assisted living home changed their rates 2 days before move-in.

Found out last Friday their base rate jumped $800 a month with no warning. Has anyone else had a facility pull a last-minute pricing switch like this?

31

jessem59•10d ago

My mom's reverse mortgage paperwork is a nightmare

Found out yesterday her lender buried a $450 monthly fee in section 12 of the contract that wasn't in the disclosure. Been going back and forth with their customer service for 3 days now in Phoenix. Has anyone else had to fight a reverse mortgage servicer over hidden fees?

1

sean_barnes24•10d ago

Overheard my sister say nursing homes are 'just fine' and I almost lost it

We were at Christmas dinner last month. She said mom will be fine in a basic facility. I looked up the state inspection reports for the three places near her in Phoenix. Two had violations for med errors. One had a citation for a broken call light system that took 3 days to fix. Mom needs daily insulin. How do you just trust that? The good places cost $6k a month plus extra. Has anyone actually toured a facility and walked right back out?

13

evan_davis•11d ago

I used to just sign whatever mom put in front of me for elder care planning

Back in 2019 when my dad got sick I would just nod and sign any legal form my mom handed me about his care plan. After he passed we found out we missed a 5 year lookback period for Medicaid and it cost us about $12,000 in penalties we could have avoided. Now I record every conversation with her elder lawyer and read every single line before signing anything. Has anyone else gotten burned by not double checking the timing on these financial moves?

8

grantw41•11d ago

Rant: Dropped $400 on a stairlift that barely works now

I bought a secondhand stairlift for my dad off Craigslist for $400 thinking I saved big. After 2 months the motor started grinding and now it's stuck halfway. Anybody know a reliable repair guy in the Chicago area or should I just bite the bullet and rent one?

8

val_ramirez•16d ago

Tried delegating my mom's meds to a pharmacy app and it backfired hard

Last month I signed up for one of those automated pill reminder and delivery services thinking it would save me from driving to Walgreens every two weeks. Big mistake. The app kept saying her blood pressure med was out of stock and then auto-canceled the refill without telling me. I only found out because my mom called me confused about why her pill bottle was half empty. By the time I sorted it out, she missed two doses and her BP spiked. The pharmacy manager in Austin literally told me these apps aren't designed for seniors with multiple complex meds. Meanwhile the paper chart I was keeping in a notebook never failed me once. Anyone else had an online service screw up a parent's routine like this?

10

matthew371•18d ago

My dad's old poker buddy made me rethink the whole nursing home thing

I ran into Mr. Henderson at the grocery store last week, he's 82 and still living alone. He said 'your dad would hate being stuck inside four walls with a bunch of rules, he always needed his space.' It hit different because Dad always talked about how much he valued his freedom, even if it meant a messy house. Now I'm wondering if assisted living with a private patio would be better than a full nursing home. Has anyone else had a parent who flat out refused the standard facility route?

18

phoenixk64•18d ago

Was dead set against assisted living until I saw the numbers for 24/7 in-home care

I spent a solid 6 months arguing with my siblings that we could keep Dad at home. Did the math after Mom had a fall last March and it came out to around $6,200 a month for decent round the clock care. The assisted living place we toured runs $4,800 all in including meals and med management. It stung to admit I was wrong but the spreadsheet didn't lie. Anyone else have family members who won't even look at the cost breakdown?

20

eva_moore•18d ago

Had to choose between a nursing home or hiring a live-in aide for Mom

Last July my mom broke her hip at 82, and I was stuck deciding between a nursing home near Nashville or paying $4,200 a month for a live-in aide. I went with the aide because Mom was terrified of leaving her house, but after 6 months the agency kept sending different people who didn't know her routine. The inconsistency drove us crazy, but at least she stayed in her own bedroom with her cat. Has anyone else wrestled with this and picked one option that worked better long term?

4

theajohnson•18d ago

Spent $4,500 on a stairlift and wish I'd just moved Mom downstairs instead

I paid for a brand new Bruno stairlift last spring for my mom's house in Cleveland. The installation was fine but she's barely used it because she's scared of the chair moving. The money would have been better spent converting the dining room into a ground floor bedroom. Has anyone else dealt with a parent refusing to use equipment you bought for them?

15

fisher.thomas•19d ago

Stumbled on a stat about dementia costs that blew my mind

Was looking up local assisted living options for my mom and found out the average annual cost for dementia care in the US is over $90,000. I knew it was bad, but that number hit different when I realized that's more than double my yearly income from the tree service. Has anyone else looked into this and found a way to budget for it without going broke?

24

taylor957•20d ago

That assisted living placement service cost me $2,500 and a lot of headaches

I hired a local placement agency to find a spot for my dad near Phoenix, and they pushed this one facility that looked fine online but was a mess in person. After I paid them and toured it, the staff was rude and the place smelled off, so we backed out. Anybody else get burned by those middleman services?

31

wendy_henderson21•20d ago

Three calls to Medicare for a simple question on Mom's copay still had different answers each time

It took me over two weeks of calling and getting transferred to six different people before I finally got a straight answer about whether her Part D covers that blood pressure med she's been taking for years, has anyone else had this kind of runaround just to get a yes or no?

19

the_sean•23d ago

Spent $600 on grab bars and railings for my mom's place in Phoenix

My mom has lived alone since my dad passed and I was worried about her falling in the shower. I hired a local handyman who specialized in senior safety to install grab bars, a transfer bench, and some hallway railings. Total cost was around $600 for the hardware and labor, which felt steep, but six months later she had a dizzy spell near the bathroom and those bars kept her from hitting the floor. Has anyone else dropped cash on home mods that actually paid off?

22

emma96•25d ago

Hit $5,000 in monthly care costs last month and it finally made me sit down

I was just adding up what we spend on Mom's assisted living, meds, and a part time aide. $5,000 even. I knew it was a lot but seeing that number on paper hit different. We been just paying month to month without really planning. Who else has had a wake up call like that from just adding stuff up? What did you do after?

21

casey818•27d ago

Vent: my sister's comment about mom's driving hit me harder than I expected

Last week my sister said 'Mom's not safe on the road anymore.' I got defensive at first because Mom has been driving for 50 years without a single accident. But then my sister reminded me of three close calls in the last six months. One time Mom ran a red light at the intersection near Target. Another time she backed into a mailbox in her own driveway. The third was when she got confused on the highway and ended up 20 miles south of her destination. Hearing those examples out loud made me realize we can't just ignore it because it's uncomfortable. Now we're looking into senior driving assessments and maybe Uber vouchers. Has anyone else had to have the 'giving up the keys' talk with a parent and how did you handle the pushback?

23

elliot_roberts•28d ago

TIL Medicare doesn't cover dental... and my dad just found out the hard way

He's 72 and needs a root canal. We thought his plan B would cover some of it but nope, zero. Dentist quoted $1,400 out of pocket. Did anyone else's parents get blindsided by this? What did you do, just pay it or find some kinda discount plan?

1

kimw57•1mo ago

Worst Tuesday I've had with Mom's insurance since January

Got a letter saying her home health aide visits got denied again because they coded something wrong on the form. I spent 4 hours on the phone with Medicare and still got nowhere. Has anyone else had to deal with these stupid coding errors?

26

sarahpark•1mo ago

Found a free county program that covers 20 hours of in-home care each week for my dad

After my mom broke her hip last month I called the Area Agency on Aging on a whim and they set us up with a respite care voucher through a state grant I'd never heard of, has anyone else found hidden local resources like this?